Be Still My Heart
by melancholykids
Summary: -A new boy with a dark secret moves to Degrassi. Will that spell trouble for Clare or be a new beginning for both. Keeping the rated M for language and content.
1. I Can See Your Tracks

_**Hey guys! So this is my first FanFiction and i know this first chapter is a tad bit pointless. Sorry for that. Its like the introduction to Eli's character in my story. I dont normally watch Degrassi, but i really got into Elijah's character and Clares personality. And i name my chapters after songs and stuff. This story is calles "I can see your tracks" by Laura Viers. its a good song guys. so bye. and reviews arent really needed, but i would like at least one to know if someone is readingmy story, or if i need to just stop while im behind. So one would be appreciated.**_

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><p>It was 12:32 when I finally got out of bed. I rolled over onto my side, feeling the pain of a hangover. I checked my phone for any missed calls; not that I had any friends. My phone was dead, and I got up to put it on the charger. As I was standing in front of my window, the light hit me and I became nauseated. I sprinted into my bathroom, just making it into the toilet. Hard liquor and pizza scorched my throat on the way up. I was sweating like hell and was dry heaving. Dazed and in pain, I climbed into the shower, turning the cold water on full power. It was a wake up call. All the memories flowed back from last night.<p>

"_Honey, I will call you after the concert, okay? Please be safe."_

"_Okay mom, I will. Stop being to worried. Go, have a good time with dad."_

"_I love you Elijah hon, have fun. Be careful while were gone."_

_With a chuckle I hung up. CeeCee and Bullfrog had gone to an exclusive tour in the Bahamas and wouldn't be back until the second month of my junior year. It was a little weird living without my parents for the first time, but I liked it._

_I decided to go out and find a party to crash. I was new to this town and I didn't have any friends yet. I kinda liked it this way. Starting over, ya know. I drove around for a while until I came across a house that was packed with teenagers around my age. I walked in, seemingly unnoticed. There was a lot of beer, and I helped myself to some. After my second bottle, I was beginning to feel a little loose. "Your Paisley Jacket", my favorite song by my favorite band Dead Hand came on and I started bobbing my head. I spotted a cute girl checking me out from across the living room. Blonde, short, nice rack. She made her way through a crowd of people and started talking._

"_Ive never seen you before? Are you new?"_

"_Depends on where you are asking im new to."_

"_Degrassi."_

"_Well then yes I am." I said with a smirk. Her golden brown eyes were focused on my green ones. Her look was intoxicating._

"_Well I know where Ashley's parents hide the good stuff. Follow me."_

_She took my hand and led me upstairs to a master bedroom, which I assumed was this Ashley girls parent's room. She danced around the room to some music leading upstairs. She pulled out two bottles; one bottle of Whiskey, and one bottle of wine. I took the Whiskey and chugged it. She pushed me onto the bed and climbed on top of me. I dropped the bottle onto the floor and licked my lips. She made my heart race. My hands tremble._

I went downstairs and flipped on the TV. Sundays were my least favorite days. I never had anything to do. I felt even more alone now that our house was empty aside for the boxes of "shit yet to be un-pack". I decided id explore this new part of Canada. I grabbed a Pop-Tart and my keys from the kitchen and headed out the door. Morty- my best friend, my baby, my beautiful hearse- was parked at the curb.

I drove around aimlessly for a while, not knowing what I was looking for. I finally stopped at a clearing past some woods. It was peaceful. Morty and I sat in the middle, surrounded by grass and trees. The auburn and copper of the fall leaves contrasted greatly with black I had on. I was laying on the hood of my car, eyes closed and relaxing, when I heard a voice coming from the trees.

"No Alli, its not that I don't care, its just that I dont have anymore patience to exude for him or Jenna. Sorry."

Her voice was like wind chimes as it drew closer. I sat up and stared in the direction she was coming from. I heard her say her goodbyes and let out a sigh of relief. I saw her peek through the trees, stumbling over a couple of twigs. She was looking down when she came out, so she didn't see me at first. But when she finally looked up at me, she gasped and jumped back, putting her hand on her heart.

"Who are you?"


	2. Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites

-**Okay guys, im updating today! But i feel like im letting you guys down with this one. Im witting from Clare's POV, and its hard. Shes a chick. Girls are always really emotional or never emotional. And i know you guys are going to think Eli and shit is all OOC, but im writting it the way i feel i want it. And im basing things off of people i know, personal experiances, or myself. So once again, im sorry for the long, boring, and just plain dumb chapter.**

**I got the named "Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites" from a Skrillex song that i sadly do not own. But i wish i did.**

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><p><em>"Look at this. Im a coward too. You dont need to hide,my friend. For i am just like you."<em>

**Clare**

I was sitting at home at on my computer staring at my cursor blink. Writer's block. My worst nightmare. Mrs. Dawse had given my English class the task of writing about "your most depressing memory". I've never been one to open up to people so I didn't know what I was going to do. I decided I'd head out to my spot in the woods to clear my mind. Maybe some inspiration would come. I grabbed my cardigan, my Ipod, and phone and left. My mom wouldn't be home until 5 so I had time to stay out. The clearing wasn't too far from my house; about a 15 minuet walk. I shut out the world with Lykke Li's _Little Bit_.

" _I think I'm a little bit in love with you,_

_But only if you're a little bit in love with me" _

I hummed along to the music, feeling it move through my body. I was almost there when my phone started to buzz. I checked the called ID and it read "Alli".

"Hey Alli, what's up?"

"I went to a party last night, and KC was there."

"Okay, why are you telling me?" I asked, a little annoyed that Alli was always bringing him up. She knew that after I found out KC had cheated on me with Jenna, I was hurt. It took a lot of time, and even more ice cream to get over him.

"Well, we talked and he wanted you to know that he was sorry and he didn't want you to be mad."

"Well he can stick his apology up somewhere very private." I said, nearing the woods. I wasn't in the mood to talk to her about that.

"Dammit Clare, he's sorry. Cant you just forgive him? You really must not care about anyone's feelings but your own if you cant forgive someone who you lost your-"

"No Alli, its not that I don't care, its just that I don't have anymore patience to exude for him or Jenna. Sorry." I said cutting her off. I didn't want her to go any further about what had happened between us. I was coming to the clearing and I didn't want any of her drama distracting me from what I came to do.

"Okay whatever Clare, I guess I'll talk to you later when you do. Goodbye."

"Bye then." Was the only thing I could say. She was over reacting.

I slipped my phone back into my pocket and walked into the clearing. When I looked up from the twigs that were getting caught in my shoes, I saw a black hearse in the middle. On top of it sat a pale boy with black hair almost to his shoulders. He wore a Dead Hand band shirt, black skinny jeans, and boots. I jumped back at first, not expecting anyone to be here.

"Who are you?" I asked, my voice shaking. He hoped down from the intimidating car and started towards me.

"My name's Eli…Who are you?" His voice was a shock. I expected it to be very monotone and raspy, like those old creepy guys you see on the death metal shows, but it wasn't. It was clear and smooth.

"Clare." I answered, just above a whisper.

"Excuse me?"

"Cl-Clare." He was in front of me now. His eyes were a green you could only dream of. They stared holes into my blue ones. I could feel my skin prickle, my spine shiver at the thought of his touch. "No Clare," I told myself. "You don't even know him."

"Well Clare, are you just going to stare at me, or…"

"Oh sorry."

We walked back over to his car and he invited me to sit with him. I was hesitant at first, but I did. I asked him if he was new here. He was. He asked me if I went to Degrassi. I told him I did, and he said he started his first day as a junior tomorrow.

"Why did you decide to come here?"

" I needed a change I guess."

" You're not going to kill me, are you?" I blurted out, before my mind could process.

" Dammit, was it obvious?" He said with looking at me slowly, biting his bottom lip. My eyes got big and I backed up. He started to laugh and shook his head.

"God Clare, what goes through your mind? Do I look like a killer? Im 17!" He said, but his eyes weren't laughing. I smiled a bit and said no. He laid back on his car and closed his eyes. His full pink lips sucked in a gust of air. He ran his fingers through his hair. He was strangely attractive.

My phone started to vibrate; it was my mom. "Shit." I muttered to myself.

"Language." He said, cocking an eyebrow.

"Hey mom!" I say with as much pep as I can.

"Clare, where are you. What makes you think its okay to leave the house without leaving a note or giving a call-"

"Yeah mom, I'm on my way right now. I had to clear my head for a bit. Sorry."

"Clare Diane Edwards, you had better be home in 10 minuets."

"But it takes 15 m-" Eli cut me off. He sat up and tapped my shoulder.

"I can drive you." he said, shrugging.

"Mom, I'll be there in 10 minuets. Goodbye." I hung up without taking my eyes off of him. He leaned in close and stopped. I could feel his breath on my face. I inhaled him. A smirk appeared on his face and he slip off onto the passenger side of the hearse.

"Your chariot awaits madam. And as does your doom if I don't get you back in 8 minuets." He said, opening the door. I slowly got off the car and into it. Something inside me was mad at him. I wanted to kiss him. Or, at least I think I did. I didn't know what I wanted. When I got in, Eli skipped over to the driver's side and took out a cigarette. When he pulled off, he asked me if I smoked.

"Its going to kill you."

" Aren't we born to die? If you really think about it. Everyday since you were born, you get closer to dying. Some faster than others. So why not live a little before you are damned to hell anyway." he said, lighting up. I stared at him, bewildered. I touched the cross that dangled just about my cleavage.

"Well maybe all of us aren't going to hell. Just the ones who believe they are."

"Yeah, that may be true, but what about us who have done things that put them on an express elevator to hell?" He asked, looking at the road.

"Take a left." I said, wondering if he had done something he regretted.

"Are you going to answer me? Because you sure as hell seem like you have all the answers!" he growled, throwing the cigarette butt out the window.

"I don't have all the answers. Who the hell said I did?" I snapped at him.

"You make it seem like you do. What makes you think you can preach to me? I don't need your god." He yelled. I couldn't believe he said that. He had brought it up. I never preached at him.

"My house is right there, I can walk. Stop the car."

He came to a slow stop. His hands were gripped tight around the steering wheel, and his jaw was clenched tight.

"I'm sorry. That was rude. I just havent been myself. Lets forget today ever happened. If I see you again tomorrow, we can start over. Deal?" His voice was flat. No emotion. I opened the car door and stepped out.

"Okay. See you around then."

"Clare."

"Yeah?"

"You left your phone."

"Oh." I bent down and retrieved it from the seat. The phone was opened to my contacts, and "Eli Goldworthy" was highlighted. I walked up to my door and turned around for one last look. Eli was staring at me. He smirked and the pulled off.


	3. Obsession

**Anyong! So i know you guys are probably thinking to yourself "what the fuck? where has MelancholyKids gone?"! Well worry no more because i am updating. The reason i went on a semi-hiatus is because i lost my motivation. Ive been out of school for a month, and ive had this story half way typed up for about 5 weeks:/ I know i should have put up a small chapter, but i just couldnt leave you guys with a bullshit chapter. This chapter is named "Obsession" after a SHINee song. I know that less than 1% of you guys know Korean, and i dont either, but you dont have to be able to understand music to like it. BTW, Anyong means hello in Korean. But its informal, so dont say it to elders. Please guys, read and enjoy, i will try my best to update ASAP.**

_Saranghaeyo, Melancholykids_

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><p>School was hell the next day. All I could think about was if I was going to see Clare, and would she forgive me if I did. I was having a hard time making it to my classes on time because I didn't know where I was going, and people would come up to me and ask me if I was new. Seriously? But I was told by a kid named Adam that I was going the right way for Mrs. Dawes English class. It has taken all my will power not to just skip; it was the last period of the day. When I walked in the room, I saw Clare sitting next to the window, talking to some chick. I immediately got nervous. All my fears from earlier in the day resurfaced and I wanted to run into the bathroom and <em>cut<em>. I took a deep breath, collected my thoughts, and walked to the teachers desk.

"Hello and welcome to English 11. I am your host Mrs. Dawes. You must be our new student." She said with a smile. The first actual nice teacher since….well since I've been going to school.

"Yeah, im Eli Goldworthy."

"Well, Eli, please take a seat in front of one of my best writers, Ms. Edwards. She can help you catch up in our assignment."

Clare was still turned around talking when I got to my seat. I thought about not saying anything, but I couldn't avoid it. I had to start over like I said.

"Hey Clare, im a little confused on our assignment. Could you help me out?" I said, trying to sound casual.

"Sure thing I-Eli."

"Yeah. I didn't know you were in English 11. That's cool."

"Yeah, im sure it is."

It was awkward between us. She just stared at the desk. I stared at her.

"Well I was actually being serious why I asked for your help, so…"

"Right right, im sorry. You have to write about your most depressing memory. it's a bit challenging, but its what makes the class fun." She said, her cheeks turning a light amaranth pink. She was wearing a light blue dress that had a deep cut in the front, exposing her chest.

Mrs. Dawse brought me back to reality when she cleared her throat in the front of the class. She held about four papers in her hands, and she seemed upset.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it seems that some of you are having trouble channeling the memories you have chosen to suppress. I am assigning partners."

I was _praying _for her to pair me with Clare. I wanted to see into her head. Know what Clare was thinking. What kind of dark, painful memories she had, and if they could even compare to mine. I wondered if she would even open up to me.

Mrs. Dawes called Clare up to her desk. I watched as she passed me. Her dress didn't quite come to her knees, and it fell nicely over her butt. Her calves were perfect, like she had played soccer when she was younger.

I hadn't noticed I was staring so obviously when the girl Clare was talking to tapped my desk.

" You know, Ive never seen you before. Are you that new kid ive heard about?"

"Uh yeah, Eli. What have you heard exactly?"

" That you drive a hearse and that you live by yourself because your parents left you behind. But I doubt any of its true because Degrassi is known for telling people what they want to hear; regardless of if its fact."

"Well I do drive that hearse, thank you. But I live with both of my parents, so I don't know where that came from. I never got your name though."

" Im Alli. And this is Clare."

Clare was rummaging through her English binder for a paper that read " A Project To Make You Think" in bold red letters at the top. She tore it out and handed it to me.

"Mrs. Dawse needs me to be your partner for this assignment."

"You make it sound like a hassle, Curfew."

"Im sorry," She asked raising an eyebrow. "What did you call me?"

"Well, I just thought that if were going to be partners, we need to be comfortable with each other. And Curfew fits you well, since your mom is strict on you."

She just kinda stared at me like I had explained the universe to her. She did that until the bell rung about 5 seconds later. For some reason, I felt like I had offended her. I hadn't meant to, I thought I was being friendly. Something I hadn't been in a while. I was the first one of us to leave because I didn't want to open my mouth and say anything terribly stupid to her.

When I made it to my hearse, there was a group of people around it, taking pictures and asking if anyone had died. I rolled my eyes and pushed my way through the people. As I got in, I saw a familiar face. It took me a while to put my finger on it, but once I did, I threw my shit into reverse. She was blonde, chubby, and had big blue orbs that boar right into my eyes.


	4. Hiatus

Hey guys. Im going on a semi-hiatus for a while. Just to sort things out that I have going on in my life. Im going to a kinda "depression" stage right now and I just need time to find myself. I should have some really interesting things for the story when I get back. Im really sorry and I hope you guys understand. My sister tells me Degrassi is back on. I hope you all watch and enjoy. Again, im sorry guys, please accept me…


	5. Im Back, No Big Deal

**Hey guys! I missed you all! I hope you all had a great summer and shit if you were on summer break like I was. Im sorry I left for a while, I had a lot of things to think through, but im better and im back. I hope you all watched Degrassi! I only watched the last one. My sister says the season was stupid. I think I would agree. But anyhow, im going to be updating again, and I think I have new ideas you all would enjoy:D! So thank you all for sticking with me and reading and shit, I promise I will try my hardest to not let you down, m'kay!**


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